the wonder years

I've moved!

2005-08-26T07:21:00.000Z

If you are interested in reading "The Wonder Years," please send me an email and I'll give you the link!

Buddy the Builder

2005-08-23T01:57:00.000Z

Have a Coke and a smile!

2005-08-23T01:44:00.000Z

I'm fully recovered, so join me for a "coke-y" while I play you a song!

Family Tree

2005-08-20T12:26:00.000Z

The subject of a recurring rant, rather observation, of mine has come up again. In fact, it has come up in three different conversations with three different people in just the last week. (Before I go on, I want to be very clear that the following is just an observation. By no means is it intended to offend. But as I now have three other cohorts who have relatively identical experiences to mine, I think it is worth noting. However, I will be intentionally vague, so as not to disclose too much information.)

Siblings. (That might be enough said.) How do two or more children, born from the same parents, raised in the same house with the same values (or lack thereof), given the same opportunities in life, turn out so completely differently? I mean, I know we are all created differently, with minds and hearts to make choices about our lives. And, I know all about the differences each individual has in his or her learning styles and whatever. But, I guess what intrigues me most is the fact that within a family, there are often so many different paths taken, all starting from the same place.

Although they are often painful (dull, exciting, morally reprehensible--insert your own adjective) to watch or experience, I am learning to, for lack of a better word, embrace these differences in life experience and motivation for two reasons: 1. Now that I'm a mom, I know that I too will have children who are as different from one another as night and day. It won't mean that one is loved or appreciated any less than another. And, 2. family get-togethers are always a lot more interesting this way. (I can speak with authority on #2. I have experience with both extremes!)

Finally, I think it is important for me to admit that each of the three people with whom I had this conversation are just like me--college educated, with Master's degrees or beyond, gainfully employed, and perpetually motivated to get on to the next thing. Therefore, I regret that our perceptions of our siblings and their choices may be a little biased, in and of themselves. We do not intend to be snobs or judges, by any means. But, I think each of us would agree that we view the world from a different lens (so cliche, I know)--one that allows for new opportunities and new experiences to be had. Therefore, what we see, more than anything, are opportunities passed up. But again, opportunities and obstacles are relative. And wouldn't the world be a dull place if we all took the same road?

Friday Fun

2005-08-19T13:50:00.000Z

Back to School (and back to the pharmacy)

2005-08-15T04:52:00.000Z

There are two parts to this post. It was originally started on Sunday night.

8/14/05
Buddy starts back to pre-school in just a few short hours. I have been nervous about it for the last couple of days. We took him by there on Thursday to both meet his new teacher and re-familiarize him with his school. (We took him out in February since we were able to work our schedules around keeping him home with us. And, to save money.) As I feared, he totally was not cool with the idea of going back. Not because it's a bad place. In fact, it's about the coolest child care facility around...at least the coolest I've seen, and I have checked out a lot of them. They have all the latest in children's play things, and a really great curriculum to boot! Lot's o' structure, which is great for Buddy! No,I knew he would be uncool with going back because he will no longer be the center of attention all day each day. He has become very used to being with both JK and me each day, and likewise. (This is not going to be the easiest transition for me either. As a mom, I struggle very much with feelings of inadequacy about the daily rearing of my child, especially when it involves someone else doing it. But, I have no choice at this point in life. Topics for another discussion.) So, I have been anticipating that tomorrow, and the next few weeks for that matter, might be pretty difficult.

However, never did I anticipate that we would be facing this big day, this "back to school" day, as we are at the moment. It is currently midnight and JK and I are taking turns trying to get Buddy back to sleep. Here's the problem: he started sniffling and coughing late yesterday. Kind of strange...he hasn't had even the slightest bit of snot since February, when he was still in school. The day after we took him out in the spring, he cleared right up. So now, mysteriously, two days before he goes back, he comes down with a cold. (I think this kid has learned a trick or two early.)

Our medicine of choice for the current symptoms is Dimetapp, aka "purple medicine." It works wonders and it causes Buddy to sleep. ahhhh. Well, JK and I had a misunderstanding tonight about the dosage. Long story short, Buddy took in four times the recommended dosage. Call to Poison Control. No need to be alarmed, just watch for certain symptoms and/or behaviors. Okay, good.

Well, here we are. It's midnight, Buddy's been asleep since 7:30, but now he's up. And, he seems to be up for good. (One of those symptoms of the OD is that he may become hyper, instead of sleepy. Well, they weren't kidding. He's ready for some action.)

I'll continue later. I'm being summoned.

** It was at this point in my draft that I was interrupted, and am only now, four days later, able to return to my post. I resume.

8/18/05

Buddy made it to school just fine on Monday. He did have an initial meltdown when JK dropped him off, but he got over it very quickly. Thanks to the wonders of technology, we are now able to watch his room on a webcam. So, I watched as JK entered, passed him to one teacher who was managing the meltdown, square things away with another teacher, and slip out. I admit, it is heartbreaking to watch your child cry and kick and scream on a webcam. However, as we all confidently expected, he calmed down in about two minutes. The subsequent mornings looked very similar to Monday, but as we expected, he has moved on quickly and gotten busy exploring his new room. This week, though a kind of difficult transition back to school, has been a good week for Buddy and his overall mood.

Until 3:30 this morning. Six months out of daycare, not a sniffle or a bug. Three days in, we're up in the night with a vomitting kid. Arghh. Poor baby. He felt so pitiful all day today. To watch my normally curious, mischievous Buddy lie on the floor and moan is just gut wrenching. I hate it when he's sick. It's awful.

So, we haven't managed to make it out of our first week back at school unscathed. I had hoped we would. My anxiety about traveling this fall and leaving Buddy at school is deepened. I really hope we're doing the right thing.

Join the Fun!

2005-08-13T02:53:00.000Z

If you haven't dropped by Michele's place yet, she's got a really fun game going!

I believe in Don Williams

2005-08-11T18:31:00.000Z

Yesterday, as I was driving to Abilene, I popped our Don Williams Greatest Hits CD into the player for a little light listening. I hadn't heard it in awhile, and I was just kind of in the mood for something simple. But, I heard something new yesterday. Even though I have heard some of those songs a hundred times, something struck me about one in particular. It seems a simple song, but I heard it differently than I ever have before. I don't know if it was my mood, or my current internal obsession to decide what I believe and don't believe about the world around me today. I'm still not sure, but as I read the lyrics again today, I am still newly appreciative of the simple genius that is Don Williams.

And the verdict's in...

2005-08-09T17:58:00.000Z

Buddy sneaks another drink

2005-08-08T01:53:00.000Z

Yesterday

Today

Tomorrow

Life is Good

2005-08-07T02:06:00.000Z

My week was pretty full, and I was away from my computer for several days, so I have just been trying to catch up on all the new posts I missed reading. Lots of good stuff out there!

A couple of things from my week...

1. I spent a few days at a planning retreat for work. It was great fun! We went to the Gaylord Texan Hotel and Resort in Grapevine, TX. It is an offspring property to the Gaylord Opryland Hotel and Resort in Nashville. It is fancy-schmancy! We worked hard and played hard, and I am just so glad to have spent time with friends and co-workers. Since I work from home, I feel like I miss out on so much interaction, so I am always glad for any opportunity to hang out!

However, all that fun comes with some expense. The real reason for our planning retreat is to do just that--plan. I now know what my travel schedule is for the fall term, and I am more than a little anxious about it. I am trying to just look at it in terms of weeks (not days), and think about how fast they will go by. I can't help but be overwhelmed, though, with how tired I am going to be and how little I will see JK and The Buddy in September,October, and November. (Like, never!) But, I knew all of this going into the job, so I can't complain too much. And, I have gotten to spend the last 8 months at home (more or less), and that's what I've always wanted to do! So, here we go!

2. Buddy is up to his same ol' antics. And, more...He has a new fascination with the refrigerator and its contents. I think I must have told him 287 times yesterday to close the refrigerator. He just can not stay out of it! I have tried putting a child-proof lock on it, but he just ripped it off. NOTHING gets past that kid.

Late yesterday, we noticed that as he had his body shoved into the refrigerator, he was a little giggly. As JK went to get him out (AGAIN), he realized that Buddy was drinking Hershey's syrup straight from the bottle! (Doesn't sound half bad. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!)

3. And today...well, I can proudly say (or foolishly admit) that we were three of about 2 million customers who chose today to go check out the new IKEA that just opened in Frisco. HOLY CRAP!!!! I have never been a part of something that commercial and that HUGE in my life. It is almost too much to describe, but I will try.

Imagine Frisco, if you can. For those of you who know Frisco, you can. For those of you who can't, its just way too many cars and people, one main road that is under major construction, and some of the newest, most overcrowded shopping arenas in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex. Okay, so add to that the largest home furnishings store in the world whose prices are ridiculously low, and the fact that this is Tax-Free spending weekend in Texas and Stonebriar mall is just next door.

We went just as something to do. We were curious. When we got there, we were stunned. Once we got parked (with the help of every off-duty Frisco police officer and about 5oo volunteer "traffic-directors"), we meandered through a line that wrapped (no lie) around the building, beginning in one of the far parking lots. The length of the line rivaled any line you'd see at Six Flags on the first day of summer! (Thankfully, it went very quickly, and there was free water along the way.)

Once we got inside, I understood a little better what the buzz was all about. There was so much to see and do. Food establishments, a playground, and cheap stuff! I filled up a bag of "goodies" (ie. things I can use around the house, but certainly did not need) for about $15. It was great fun! I don't know that I'll venture out there again any time soon, or very often, but it sure is a sight to see!

4. And, since we were so far north, we decided to try and find our nomadic friend (JK's best friend from college and the best man in our wedding) in Plano. He doesn't carry a cell phone, has no email address, and has no land line at his house. (It's a long story.) But, we know where he works, so we thought we'd take a chance on finding him there. And, we did. So, we waited for him to get off work and then took him out for a burger. It was great to see him (we only see him/talk to him every few months) and catch up. Plus, we had to show him how big Buddy has gotten.

So, I had a really great week. School starts soon, and I feel like this may have been our last truly free weekend for while. Looking forward to seeing Mark next weekend, and then back to the grindstone!

Everybody's Doing It

2005-08-02T12:16:00.000Z

It seems I'm not the only one who was bored with her blog page. Waiter Rant has completely changed his page. I haven't gotten used to it yet, but his writing is so incredible, I (like most of his readers) don't care so much about the look. But, since I'm not yet pulling in readers by the hunderds of thousands per week, nor have I been offered any kind of book deals, it is important to me to have a nice, creative, original page to enhance the content.

I have in the last few days been overwhelmed with the notion of having "my own page." Much like lexrob and CrazyUS, I want to have something original and creative, that says more about me than what I can find in a Blogger template. My problem is this--I do not have the patience to figure out how to host my own site, nor do I yet feel justified in paying for it when I can do it for free. And, if my original intent in blogging remains the same, which for the most part, it still does, then I shouldn't be worried about it. Right?

Wrong. I can compare this new attraction/obsession/desire (whatever you want to call it) to clothes. Basically, my own clothes have always been, hmmm, well, okay. Nothing to write home about. (And, yet...I kind of am today.) I am unexposed and comfortable* to get done what needs to be done in a day. When I need to dress up, I have learned that basic black is the best option for me, and that is fine. I have embraced that. (I'd hyperlink that last sentence if I had created a permalink to one of my previous posts. Oh well. I already wrote about this once before in case you're new.) But, something comes over me like a fog when I decide I need a new outfit, or when I see something in the fashion mags that I think is great. It's as if I can't rest until it (or a nice imitation) is mine. What that means is that I have spent countless hours, and much, much money on clothes or shoes that really only serve to feed my ego. And so many times, when the day is done and I haven't found what I was looking for, I return to the basic and remember how much I love to accessorize, accessorize, accessorize. I always feel so tired and beat down, but pleased that I found something that works.

So, after 2 complete page changes and hours and hours of trying to get my new page set up, I scrapped it and started again after dinner last night. I now have something clean and functional which I can accessorize as I please. It's not about the page anyway, right? It's about what's inside that counts. It only matters that I have a journal of some important things going on in my life in 2005. Sure. We'll see.

*Is it ever okay for a man, oh let's say, in his forties (or any age over about five, for that matter) to go in public dressed in only overralls, sans shirt? If it is, please tell me under what circumstances so that I can stop wondering about the man I saw in the foodcourt** at the mall last night eating dinner with his family. I need to assume that he was dressed that way for a reason, and not just because he thinks its okay.

**An additional thought about this whole scenario--a few weeks ago, a young mom made the local news (and I live in a large metro community) because a security guard at that same mall made her leave the food court area because she was breastfeeding her child. He directed her to the bathroom because he claimed that she was "indecently exposed." Let me just say, no matter what your politics are on that issue, there is no argument that this man I saw was WAY more exposed than that mom would have been, and with NO legitimate reason! Hmm...I think I smell a little sexism brewing.

You scratch my back...

2005-08-01T17:22:00.000Z

...and I'll scratch yours. Just wanted to mention that my sidebar now includes ads by Google and a search bar. Feel free to browse these as they seem interesting or useful, and I'll collect the profits, however meager they may be. And, if you decide to utilize AdSense , I'll be happy to do the same for you!

Semper fi

2005-07-30T16:31:00.000Z

Mark arrives tonight!!! His third, and final, deployment to Iraq has come to end! Praise God!!! As long he makes it safely to 29 Palms tonight, he will have survived three long, grueling deployments to fight on the front lines of a war that continues to perplex, frustrate, and anger me. He has lost several buddies over the last two and a half years. He was held responsible for one of those losses. He has witnessed things unimaginable to my civilian brain. And, I know, although he doesn't talk about it much--or at all to most people--that he has done things in the name of "liberation" that will haunt him his entire life. Oh, the irony.

He joined the Marines a year before the war started as a last ditch effort at saving his life. That was a whole other life. By the grace of God, he returns home safely to us tonight to begin another new life!

I ache for the families who've lost sons, brothers, dads, moms, daughters, and sisters. My brain can not comprehend their loss. I know that those families prayed for their loved ones as faithfully and earnestly as we have prayed for Mark's safe return, but their outcome was different. I can not understand why or how we have once again been spared, but we have. And I am eternally grateful. Semper fidelis.

A Few Things...

2005-07-26T02:51:00.000Z

...to remember about Buddy this week.

1. He can count from 2 to 4. (Forget 1. That's easy.)
2. He can say his A,B,C's. Well, most of them. Thank you, Sesame Street and Leap Frog.
3. He is mildly, yet sweetly, OCD. We lovingly refer to his "Obsessions Du Jour." They are what you would imagine. He frequently does things like precisely lining up cans of soup so that each label faces outward. When I say precise, I mean--precise.
4. He thinks my name is "Babe." He thinks his dad's name is "Babe." It seems too cute to correct right now, but I don't know how well I'll appreciate it when he's a teenager.
5. He looked around yesterday at Lexi's (his cousin) 5th birthday party and saw the cake and balloons and announced, "Wow, a party!" (He's never said "party" before. I was beaming!")
6. Until he jumped fully clothed into the swimming pool and REFUSED to get out. So, he was the only child swimming--and eventually the only naked child--at the birthday party. (I didn't know there would be a pool and I found myself without trunks or swimmies. What else was I to do?)
7. He became upset when he was told it was time for cake, when in fact, it was only time for presents. He hates presents. He LOVES cake. Even at his own party. He only wanted the cake.
8. Three days ago he woke me up at 6 a.m. standing next to our bed holding a balloon. I got him into the bed with us so we could try to sleep a few minutes longer, but he never let go of the balloon. He just laid there, holding a gold balloon, staring at it. Oh well--he was quiet and we slept a little longer.
9. He thinks vanilla milk is "Foffee" and he loves it! It makes him truly happy!
10. He thoughtfully replaced Alyson's (my 9-month-old niece) bottle with a chocolate chip cookie. He was only trying to hook a sista up! (He doesn't remember that you have to have teeth to eat a cookie!)

Coulrophobic

2005-07-24T01:12:00.000Z

It's no secret. I hate clowns. Not so much rodeo clowns. They serve a purpose. They are in charge of making sure bulls are distracted in the rodeo. It's the circus clowns I hate. I think they're evil. Why else would they need to cover their faces with make-up and their heads with wigs? What are they trying to hide about themselves? Thankfully, I am not alone.

Am I the Crazy One?

2005-07-22T02:29:00.000Z

Ok, so I've put this post off for a day or so for two reasons. One, I know it is going to be long and I haven't had enough uninterrupted time to devote until now. Two, I have been sort of thinking that it might go away. You know, the more distance I get from the event, the more I might decide it's just not worth it. But, I am still mulling over it, so I need to just write it out. Maybe then I'll understand more why I am so bothered by it. But, even as I begin, I just can't put my finger on it.

So, here goes. I spent the beginning of this week at a conference for professionals in my field. More specifically, it was for Admissions Professionals from Baptist schools in the southern United States. Because Texas has so many, there were predominately Texans there. But there were several folks from Mississippi, Tennessee, Arkansas, and Oklahoma. A good crowd. Nice to meet some new people.

Like most conferences of this nature, the days were filled with break out sessions designed to develop us professionally. We could choose who to go listen to based on the description printed in the schedule. (I have found in my professional years as I have now attended a number of these types of events that these breakout sessions are a gamble. You CAN NOT trust the description in the schedule. Invariably the information that gets presented is way off from what was advertised, or the presenter is just no good. And occasionally, the descriptions just don't do the actual presentation justice. I have been pleasantly surprised by a few sessions in my time as well.) So, on Tuesday, my colleagues and I divided up to get the most we could out of as many sessions as possible. I was actually excited about one in particular, so I headed off by myself to a session entitled "What Happens When Christian Kids Choose Non-Christian Colleges." For two reasons, I was intrigued by what I thought this session might offer me. One, I am a Christian kid who chose to go to a non-Christian college, and I wanted to see what "happened" to me. And two, I work for a Christian university, so I wanted to see what I might learn to help students in their college choice. (Honestly, my decision had more to do reason #1 than reason #2, but that's beside the point.)

So, I get all settled into my very uncomfortable seat and prepare to learn something. Let me just say, as strange as this may sound, I actually wish I could go back and listen to the presenter again. I say that because I have been struggling with what I heard in that hour and fifteen minutes and I kind of want to see if I missed some very important point or something.

In as much of a nutshell as I can put this: The presenter is a man who has conducted and written a "definitive study that measured the difference in overall religiosity (religious service/church attendance, prayer and meditation, religious discussion, etc.) for those students who attended a Christian college versus those who did not." He explained that the impetus for collecting this data and then compiling it for his dissertation was his own daughter's decision to attend a state university. She, apparently, made choices that landed her in a heap of trouble with the law and they have produced "infinite scars" on her life. (He didn't give many details...something to do with drug dealing and DWI.) Anyway, he has a vested interest in the topic, and he is very passionate (to say the very least) about the study.

Okay, so here's where it all gets a little nuts. I kind of feel like a jerk for what I am about to say, but again, I don't think I'm all that off.

Basically, this guy has spent the last several years interviewing students at the beginning of their freshman year in college and then again at the end of the junior year. He has all the proper controls in place to conduct a valid study, ya da ya da ya. Here's the bottom line: The results of the study are exactly what this man was looking for. (Interesting how that happened, huh JK!) He set out to show that "religiosity" declines in students who go to non-Christian colleges more than it does for kids who to Christian colleges. Okay, fine. Whatever. Here's my problem with his study. He showed a number of the questions that he asks to students, and it's his LANGUAGE in those surveys that gets me. I think it is totally biased! Like I said, I am a Christian kid, but I had a difficult time understanding what he meant by some of the language he uses. It's EXTREMELY "denominational." By that, I mean that students who align themselves with denominations (and I am speaking only of Christian denominations at this point) other than his probably have less familiarity with his language and therefore answered his questions in a certain way. But, that's not what I really was upset about. Therefore, they may not really understand what he is asking, or he may not really understand what they are saying.

A couple of things really, really bothered me though:

1. I was overwhelmed with the notion that this man is looking for something to blame his daughter's choices on besides her. Now, that's pretty harsh to say, and I can't prove that. But as I explained before, he only got interested in this discussion once his daughter became wrapped up in unhealthy behavior in college.

An interesting thing to add: he talked about the differences in his son and his daughter, and he admitted that his son could "have been dropped in a sewer and done just fine." His daughter, on the other hand, would have probably had the same struggles at the small Baptist college she had received a scholarship to attend had she decided to go there. Doesn't that somehow call into question his assertion that it is the non-Christian college environment that causes students to decline in reliosity? Or, am I missing something here?

2. He wants me, as a representative of a Christian institution, to tell families who are struggling with a college decision that if their son or daughter chooses to go to a non-Christian school, the chances that their religiosity will decline are above 52% (this number is, of course, based on his research and I have the graphs to "prove" it. And, yes, he really does want me to tell parents that. In fact, he challenged us to do so.) Well, bull honkey! I will never tell a family this!!! I take such major issue with this direction, I don't even know where to begin. First, by telling a student this, I am giving a "car salesman pitch" to a family about my school. (Actually, I might try this tactic just once and see how fast they turn on their heals out the door.) Are you kidding me? 'Alienate' is the only word that comes to mind here! Secondly, by doing this, I am insinuating to this family that their son/daughter is weak in their walk and will succumb to temptations, etc. I mean, how much more offensive could this be? And finally, to a believer, at least to me, I find that we are called to be light in a dark world. Are we to believe that the best message to send to our college bound students is that in order for their faith to grow, they must go to a Christian college? Otherwise, they will lose their faith. Pardon me, but in my own defense, my own faith never grew as much as it did while I was in school. Granted, I did not go to church every single Sunday, and perhaps my "rituals" changed a bit, but my faith did not. I learned more about myself as a child of God than I ever did before I went away to school. And, I know that an alternative college choice for me would almost certainly have stifled my growth. It's so hard to put into words exactly. But, I know.

3. One of the slides in his presentation says this: "Unless at a Christian college, students are asking deeper questions from a deeper hole!" I don't really think much needs to be said here. (I nearly fell out of my of chair when I read this and heard him read it.) But, are you kidding me? Are you saying that: 1. students shouldn't be asking deeper questions or 2. that deeper holes don't exist at Christian schools?

So, my delimma is this. Am I nuts to think this guy is nuts?? I found myself looking around the room at the end while people were doing their evaluations. The two I saw were offering perfect marks. So, I got up and left. I didn't want anybody to corner me and say, "Wow, that was eye opening," or "Man, that's good stuff." I was appalled by the whole thing, and I am a little worried about that. Why did I take it SO differently than the others? Did I miss something? And, am I the one in the wrong here? Should my purpose as a professional in a business (though it is a school) be to discourage students from living in the world as a beacon of light and life? I just can't make myself believe that.

A Quarter of a Century

2005-07-20T04:33:00.000Z

Happy Birthday, Mark! Get home quick!

5 years later or Blog?

2005-07-18T01:23:00.000Z

So, we just got back from attending our 10 year high school reunion. It was an interesting experience from the beginning. I have known about it for the last several months, thanks to my dear friend the Internet (we had a class reunion site with updates and sign-in pages). And, I have been pretty excited about it. I am super blessed in life and feel very much more comfortable with myself than I did in high school. Therefore, it truly was about seeing old friends again. I already knew who's a doctor, who's a lawyer (actually, I think half my class are lawyers), and so on. I can honestly say that I did not plan to be intimidated or overly-impressed by anyone's life thus far. (And, I wasn't.) I have NO complaints about my own, and I just wanted to hang out.

So, despite the cost (which was high) and the weekend sacrificed, the reunion was exactly what I expected. There were NO surprises. (Well, maybe one...a girlfriend of mine from SR. year showed up looking totally hot! I did not recognize her. Oh, except for the pain in her eyes, which has always been there.) I did manage to create two separate awkward moments when I asked two different people about their parents only to learn that each had a parent pass away. (After the second time, I was forbidden by JK to ask anyone else about their parents. No problem.)With the exception of the aforementioned, not even the snotheads had changed. (Now, fortunately, I get along with most people, if only on the surface. So, not too many people were really snotty to me in high school. I was a nerd and didn't hang out with "the" crowd, but I was very nice and friendly, and I don't remember trying to make people like me. I didn't really care if they did or not. I still don't really worry about that kind of thing. I think I got that from my mom. Thanks, Mother!) I kind of thought that one person in particular would have evolved just a bit. But, she didn't. She still doesn't look people in the eye when she talks to them. She is EXTREMELY shallow and looks everywhere else but your face when she is talking. And, she's loud. And, she STILL talks like the cast of "Friends." (Come on. The rest of your group got over that. You can stop too.) But, I digress. The reunion was exactly what I thought it would be.

Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for JK, a lot of kids from CHS went to A & M too, and we were all friends in college. You know, the time during life when most real friendships are cultivated. So, it was a lot more like a college reunion than a high school reunion for me. And that was fun!

But, here's what I think I've decided about this whole experience. Let's just blog and not pay another $200ish dollars in five years for another reunion. Because my dear friend the Internet has allowed me new opportunities to keep up and reunite with old friends (ie. Dr. Brown and Becky), I don't know how necessary it will be to have a reunion. We can have our own, smaller, less expensive, more intimiate, and much more meaningful reunions every single day if we want to. We can know the real life stories of each other, without all the layers of crap that will never be broken down in a matter of a few overstimulating hours at a country club with a bad DJ and too much alcohol. And, as this blog-thing continues to mushroom (I always envision cells dividing when I think about blogging and blogrolls), we can invite others to join our reunion.

I think it is a milestone that I needed to have in my life. Birthdays are a little insignificant now. They don't really mark the passing of years as milestones like they once did. (Except for 30, and I still have one more year for that one.) So, it seemed the right thing to do to go to this reunion. I don't regret it. I am glad I had the right expectations, and that I didn't have any expectations. But, it feels so great to get back to my computer and see that though I missed one of my dearest friends in person, here she is, blogging now. We're back in each other's life. And now it can mean something again.

NBA, here we come!

2005-07-14T18:55:00.000Z

Maybe I'll get to retire early. (Or maybe retire at all!)

Pet Peeve #1

2005-07-13T03:05:00.000Z

...retail sales people (or anyone working in a service-type industry such as a fast-food joint) who:

1.Feel at liberty to provide WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION about:
a. their personal life
b. why they hate their job
c. why they hope to never work another Saturday because Saturdays are just too stessful

2. Feel free to continue their conversations with co-workers while they are helping me check out/order.

Now, I generally really like to talk to people. I am a bit nosy, so a few extra details here and there don't usually bother me when I am engaged in conversation. And, I also consider myself a pretty compassionate person. I really do care about people and their well-being.

I do not, however, care about "who-called-whom-when" and what they said. Nor do I care about the lingerie department lady's opinion about what should happen to the male genitalia of convicted sex offenders. And though I may agree with her on some points, I feel as if my privacy has been invaded when I am just trying to pick out a new bra and all I can hear is how she's just convinced that really it's our justice system that's failed!

P.S. My trip to the lingerie department would have been about 10 minutes shorter too if the other lady who was ringing me up hadn't felt so free to share with me how she's thinking of finding a different part-time job because her "perfect record" at this establishment has been tarnished (?). Really...do I look THAT compassionate?

P.P.S. Now I feel guilty about being so tacky about lingerie department lady #2. Maybe she just needed an objective, unbiased ear to listen. She really was very nice. Strange. But nice.

Y, akay!

2005-07-12T18:38:00.000Z

Buddy has a way with words. We are in a stage (gosh, I hope it's a stage...though mine wasn't. I'm still there!) where he feels entitled to say just what he thinks about what's going on. (No, I don't mean that I don't mince my words,because I do. I just mean that I've never really been afraid to tell my own mother how I feel about anything.) In particular, when he's been scolded, he lets us know in no uncertain terms how he feels about it. He either turns into Tony Soprano with his bigger-than-life attitude, Italian-sounding accent, and teardrop-shaped hand gestures that let's us know, "Hey, I'm talking to you!" Or, in other cases, he jabbers back a bunch of nonsense and ends with a loud, "Y Akay!" We've decided he either means, "It's okay" or "It'll be okay." Either way, we didn't have to wait until the teenage years to have our child start talking back to us. He's got it down pretty well now. Maybe that means he'll outgrow it before we can really understand him. (Somehow, though...I doubt it.)

Be Bad

2005-07-10T16:40:00.000Z

If I was a betting woman, I might have lost today. (Actually, I would have lost about 4 or 5 days ago because I assumed this day would have come much sooner.) This new apartment we have moved into has but one feature that is more dangerous than our previous, third-floor unit. That is, though the patio is at ground level and there is no risk of Buddy falling over, there is, however, a railing that is NOT child proof. Especially not our child-proof. You see, there's this attractive design--square-type shape--built into the railing that hits just at first-step, climbing level for our little two-year-old climber. (The bet was how long it would take him to try and climb over the fence.) And so, today, he discovered it. Just as he had mounted the rail and was just trying to throw one leg over the top, the JK looked up from his new love affair with J.K. Rowling and noticed what was happening. And so, now I am off to try and find some sort of outdoor decorative item that will block Buddy's view of the square, be heavy enough for him not to move, sturdy enough so that it doesn't fall over onto him, and lacks all possibility of being used as a ladder.

Tragedy Strikes

2005-07-08T21:07:00.000Z

I don't know any of the victims personally. But, I feel like I could. Everyday folks going about their business in London. A soon-to-be-college freshmen and his 16-year-old passenger. A 25 year-old young woman, depressed beyond recovery--a childhood acquaintance and someone who I'd recognize if I saw her at the grocery store. What happened this week?

Life changes (or ends) so quickly. In the blink of an eye, in the casual "See ya later," I might not.

My heart aches today as I really contemplate what happened in London yesterday, the senseless acts of violence. I wished it ached more...but I guard against that. I think its because I see myself in the places of those who were on the commuter trains, not the face of my son. Is that really twisted?

But, where I do see the face of my son is in the headlines of the ARN where it's reported that two teenage boys lost control of their car yesterday and died instantaneously on the highway less than a mile from our house in Abilene. And, I see his face in the obituary of a girl I once knew when we were kids. She's gone now...the pain was too much for her to bear. So, she ended it.

My perspective on tragedy has changed so much since Buddy was born. I guess that's natural. How can I ever protect him from all the bad things that could happen to him? The answer, I think, is that I can't. I can guide him, watch over him, try to mold him, and love him. And then the rest is out of my hands. I don't relinquish control very well. I wish I did.

All I can do is love him, every single day.

Milestones

2005-06-30T00:43:00.000Z

Give or take a few days, tonight marks exactly two years that John David has slept in his crib. (As I recall, it was about 4 weeks after he was born that we moved him into the crib.) And, tonight is the last night as well. We are moving into our new apartment this weekend, and his new "big kid" bed will be delivered on Saturday. To make things easier for us, the in-laws are taking him back to Abilene for the weekend while we get moved. So, when we all get back on Monday, a brand new bed and bedroom will await him. (The new bed comes in perfect time actually. For the first time in his life, John David got out of bed last night and crawled into bed with us and slept there for most of the night. I am not sure what woke him, but we were too tired from packing to move him.) I can't wait to see how he likes his bed! I think he will love it!

But, these milestones are hard in a way. Since he is the first born, and currently, still the only child, I feel a little sad about him graduating to a big bed. Although he does things every day to prove his development, this overt symbol of growing up is too big not to make a significant impression.

However, there are other things that come with the big bed that I look forward to. I envision bed-time stories becoming easier to accommodate. (He's never been one to sit for a story. I am going to really try to develop that habit now.) And, now gone are the days when I have to worry about him climbing on top of the rails and jumping from over five feet off the ground. (Of course now, he can more easily fall out/off of the big bed.) I look forward to really being able to tuck him in tightly and giving really great good night kisses--without having to lean over the bed rails.

Now, the rocker stays! I'm not giving that up just yet.

Take me out to the ballgame

2005-06-28T04:03:00.000Z

We went to a Ranger's game tonight. I couldn't believe how great Buddy did! (Last year's game--his first--was almost disastrous! He was WAY too young.)

But, tonight he sat in the chair, cheered at the right times, pointed out all of the mass marketing he recognizes, and drank about 32 ounces of diet coke and water. (It's the plastic bottles he loves!) We'll do it again sometime soon!

Beach Ball Slumber Party

2005-06-25T04:37:00.000Z

Buddy loves swimming so much, he'd like to do it in his sleep!

Will the "real" Tom Cruise please sit down!?

2005-06-24T15:16:00.000Z

I have always loved Tom Cruise. I love most of his movies, I think he is good looking, the whole shebang. But, the love affair is over. Not because he is now engaged to a little girl who can't say anything else besides, "He's amazing!" (Note: blog later about the word "amazing.") No, its over because he is no longer a character. He has shown too much skin. He has let the world in on just how quirky and "normal" he really is. Gone are the days of swooning over a good-looking movie star. I just can't bear to watch him interview anymore! (Although I probably will.) I have watched and/or heard them all. I saw him on Oprah, Letterman, and just this morning, heard and read his interview with Matt Lauer. And, the real Tom Cruise shows his ugly side...his normal side (which is very weird). He is no longer a "movie star." (I already miss him!)

Seriously, believe what you will about science and psychology and whatever else you choose. I don't mind. Really. But, don't trample my ideals of who you are. Let me explain. For those of us who claim to "love" pop culture (aka, "voyeurs"), like myself, their is a very definitive role that we need our icons to play. We watch them and read about them in order to fantasize what it might be like to live in the lime light. Their lives are different and exciting in a different way than our own. That's why we watch. It's fantasy...not reality. God knows, we get enough of that on reality TV!

I feel like I am contradicting myself a little bit. I do appreciate reality. I do like to know that people are just people. I do sympathize for stars who get stalked by paparazzi just so that I can have my fix in People magazine. But on the other hand, they asked for this right? They knew the consequences of their fame, right? Well, anyway, I digress...if that's possible (I mean, I am blogging about Tom Cruise. How much more of a digression could there be?)

So, all I'm trying to say is this. I think that Rich Shertenlieb expressed the disappointment best this morning when he described the moment TC walked onto Oprah's stage as the "jump the shark" moment for his career. At that time, all the women in the audience were screaming and crying for him, as we would expect them to do at the sight of such a big star. And, then the interview, and the couch jumping, and Katie...and now we know...Tom is weird. And kind of flaky. A bit scary to boot. And, we don't really like him saying nasty things about Brook Shields and her choice to help herself during her post-partum depression. How dare he? Who does this guy think he is? Where's Maverick?

And, I'm sick of his mile-wide grin and his laugh that sounds like air leaking out of a tire. That's not cool. He's a nerd. And he jumps on couches.

My Bloginality

2005-06-23T03:47:00.000Z

My Bloginality is INTP!!!

This is great. Pretty much got me pegged!

103 Things About Me...

2005-06-22T03:56:00.000Z

...for whatever it's worth.

1.I am 28 years old.
2.I am wife to Jason and mom to John David (who is 2).
3.I am a College Admissions Recruiter.
4.I office out of my house when I am not traveling and recruiting kids.
5.I have a Bachelor’s degree in English from Texas A & M University, Class of ’99~Whoop!
6.I have a Master’s degree in English from a small private University. (And that’s also who I recruit for.)
7.I LOVE pop culture!
8.I really like to read, but I read in spurts. Months will pass before I pick up a book, but then once I get started, I want to read, read, read. This has been a cycle my entire life.
9.Like my husband, I often read most of a book and then fail to finish it.
10. I have two younger brothers.
11. I have LOTS of cousins who I am very close to, so family gatherings are large events.
12. I have 2 nieces and 1 nephew, and another niece/nephew on the way.
13. I have worked since I was about 14 years old.
14. I like working, although working from home is much harder than I ever thought. It is definitely harder than working from an office.
15. My parents were kind of hippies. My mom REALLY wants to still be a hippie.
16. My mom is 52 and she is working on her Bachelor’s degree. I think that’s about the coolest thing ever!
17. My husband is so much better than me at most things. Especially at just being!
18. My son cracks me up. He makes me nuts too. That’s because he is just like me.
19. I nearly griped out the clerk at a retail store today for looking crossly at my son who was simply acting his age.
20. When I get angry, I cry. And I start to shake.
21. I have tried to finish my teaching certificate three times. But, I don’t think I’ll ever teach. I think I’ll always wonder if should though.
22. I would love to be a very high ranking college administrator. But, I am afraid of making bad decisions.
23. I have lots of debt and some days it consumes me. Other days, I just keep racking it up.
24. I wish I was more domestic.
25. My messy house only bothers me sometimes, but I pretend that it bothers me a lot.
26. I got my first car when I was 23 years old. I topped off the down payment with the loose change we had been saving in a very large jar. That was really gratifying.
27. I wish I were a size 12 instead of a 14. The difference in the two sizes on my body is pretty significant. But, I also really like ice cream!
28. I like to go swimming.
29. I have lots of pet peeves, but I have never listed them. I always say “that’s my biggest pet peeve.” But who knows where it really falls on the list?
30. I have always been afraid of tragedy striking my family.
31. My brother is a Marine in Iraq for the third time. There’s something wrong with that.
32. My other brother doesn’t realize what’s out there for him.
33. I once broke a window with my fist because my brothers were teasing me so badly. They use to be really mean to me.
34. I didn’t know until I went away to school how much they looked up to me.
35. My family is very much a matriarchal regime. None of the dads stuck around. I think that may be changing though in the next generation.
36. I hope all the dads stick around this time.
37. I know lots of people, but I don’t have a lot of friends. I prefer just a few, very close friends. Its easier to maintain relationships that way.
38. When I was a kid, I always played soccer and softball. I ALWAYS wanted to be a ballerina instead.
39. I am pretty bossy.
40. I don’t deserve what I have.
41. I knew I wanted to marry my husband from the first week of our “new” relationship. (We knew each other since 6th grade, but we didn’t date until we were juniors in college.)
42. He was the first of his friends to marry. I always worry that I may have pressured him to get married too young. We were 23.
43. I am not afraid to leave a job I hate.
44. Happiness really is more important to me than making a lot of money.
45. I am prouder than words can say of my husband!
46. I think my son is very smart. I think he is smarter than most two year olds. He kind of scares me sometimes.
47. I am very insecure about other people reading my blog. But, I really don’t mind if they do. I just don’t want people to think I am boring.
48. I ALWAYS want people to think I am funny.
49. I think I am funny.
50. I think my husband is hilarious though!
51. I went to Europe to visit him while he was studying abroad our senior year in college. That was the best trip I've ever taken!
52. We got grossly sick on our honeymoon. It wasn’t really a very fun trip.
53. I don’t ever ask for money, but I haven’t ever turned someone down if they have offered to buy me something.
54. Is that rude?
55. I wish I could live in a “fixer-upper,” but I know that I am not patient or dedicated or handy enough to endure that. So, I will always hold in highest esteem homes which have been restored. They are marvelous to me!
56. I think SUVs are inefficient, but I don’t want to ever drive anything else.
57. Did I mention that I LOVE ice cream?? My favorite flavor right now is Cookies and Cream, but it was always Mint Chocolate Chip when I was growing up.
58.I believe in angels and demons.
59. I am a Christian.
60. I used to be a prude. But, I got tired of being left out. So, I learned to accept people for who they are. Myself too.
61. I always speak in terms of “open doors” when what I really mean is “providential.”
62. My political and societal beliefs become more and more unclear to me every day.
63. I wish I were stronger. And smarter.
64. More than being funny, I want people to think I’m smart. I wish I were smarter.
65. I love baseball games!
66. I once tore up my leg roller blading. But, it was so much fun!
67. I love to team up with my husband in trivial pursuit and kick everyone else’s butts!
68. I used to be the Director of something and now I am pretty low on the totem pole. (I left and came back after six months of hating my “new” job.) Most days I’m okay with it. But, I still always want people to know who I used to be.
69. I think I am a pretty good writer.
70. I am a great speller!
71. I am terrible at math and science.
72. And, although I love history, I have a terrible memory.
73. I wish I were artistic.
74. I love photographs and scrapbooks.
75. I used to make fun of scrapbooking, but really, it is very therapeutic. I feel artistic when I scrapbook.
76. For my son’s two-year-old birthday, I only cared about getting to make his cake. I didn’t get to, though. I am very selfish.
77. His cake was precious!
78. I look forward to eating out at real restaurants again.
79. I can’t wait to take the family to Disney World. I hope we can afford it.
80. I can’t wait to go back to Europe with my husband. I hope we can afford it.
81. I like to be in charge of things. But, only when it’s my idea. Not when it’s somebody else’s.
82. I don’t like indecisiveness in other people, but I can be VERY indecisive.
83. I don’t like whining.
84. I hate it when people say “Irregardless.” Don’t they know that’s redundant?
85. I can’t stand it when people can’t see another point of view besides their own.
86. I am often the pot (you know, calling the kettle black).
87. I suspect that our household will be one of all boys. Somedays that’s exactly how I want it. Other days, I really want a little girl!
88. My pregnancy was awesome!
89. I love to brag that I didn’t have any drugs during labor!
90. I often fear that I won’t be able to do it again.
91. I am a procrastinator.
92. I am habitually about 5-10 minutes late everywhere I go.
93. I drive a little too fast everywhere I go.
94. My life is very good and I am very blessed!
95. I am typically a leader rather than a follower.
96. I hope I don’t turn bitter.
97. I want to be a good wife and a good mother.
98. I want to be a good daughter and a good daughter-in-law.
99. I hope my dad’s really okay.
100. I love reading my husband’s blog, and most of all, I love it that there were no surprises (to me, anyway) on his list of 100 things. I already knew them all!
101. I am very competitive.
102. I love David Letterman, Tony Soprano, Matt Lauer,Nate Fisher, Danny Zuko, and Kidd Kraddick.
103. I can speak "two-year-old."

I am sure there's more. That's all for now.

Swimmies!

2005-06-21T02:31:00.000Z

Three days ago, I started taking Buddy to the pool. I selfishly took him the first day because he was making me crazy here in the apartment, and we needed a diversion until supper and bedtime. I got us all loaded up and ready to go, I in my last-year's swimsuit (which fortunately, I still really like), and Buddy in his new swim trunks and life vest. Since it has been a whole year since we swam, he had no idea what was going on. But, when we got to the pool, he figured out very quickly that this was FUN! And, fun it was! I had a blast playing with him in the pool, showing him how to "Kick, Kick" his legs. He caught on pretty quickly how to doggy paddle. (Today, he was swimming like a 2 year-old pro! I couldn't believe it!) I admit, my selfish need for a diversion quickly turned into some of the most fun we have had! Until it was time to go. There's just something about being two that doesn't allow a good thing to end quietly. I feel certain that all twelve buildings' tenants in between the pool and our apartment heard him screaming at the top of his lungs on the way home. He got so upset, I thought he was going to throw up on me. But, he didn't. And, I have taken him back each day since. And each day, the routine is the same...the most fun we can have in an hour, topped off with a mind-boggling tantrum. But,I'm not tradin' in the fun!

Household Cleaning Tip #1

2005-06-17T21:48:00.000Z

I learned today from a website that WD-40 and a tooth brush can remove crayon from a wall. Genius! It worked! If I were living in my own home, I probably would have left the artwork to remind me of Buddy's creativity. But, since I live in an apartment and don't want to pay someone an outrageous amount of money to just paint over the crayon when we move out in two weeks, I decided to take matters into my own hands. For those of us less "domestic," it is so fulfilling to learn new little tricks to keep up our sleeves.

And, I got a new office/computer desk chair today. I could sit here all day. That's bad. I need to be domestic.

Rock a bye, Baby

2005-06-11T02:02:00.000Z

Just a little while ago, I went in to check on the Buddy. As I walked to his crib, I couldn't see his body, but I thought he had probably just buried himself in his pillow and blanket like he often does. But, when I reached in, he was not there. In my rational mind, I knew he was there somewhere, but no doubt, my heart started racing with panic. Where was he? Of course he gets out of his crib every night, but he always runs out to show himself off to us at least 4 or 5 times before he stays there for good. But not tonight. He was too tired.

And then I turned around. There he was, sleeping soundly, curled up in the rocker, perhaps sweeter than I've ever seen him.

My heart is still racing as I write this. Wow...I hope I never have that feeling again. But, the memory of him in the chair is etched in my memory forever...and he is perfect!

~Ahh, they learn so quickly~

2005-06-10T16:09:00.000Z

Last night, I got down at eye-level to Buddy, lowered the tone of my voice, and proceeded to scold him for doing something...probably spilling his cup again on purpose or tearing up a CD cover into tiny pieces...not really sure because he did both of those things, and many others, about 98 times yesterday. Anyway--that part doesn't matter. But, I got down to his level to give him the what-for about his behavior(Super Nanny would be so proud!), and I thought that finally what I was saying was sinking in. He was actually looking me in the eyes and standing still for a change! And then, it happened...just as I am finishing my rant about behaving properly and not destroying property, he reaches up, ever-so-sweetly, and grabs my nose in between his thumb and first two fingers. You know, "gotcher nose." And as I stood there stunned, he continued to express his side of the story in his whispered, Alien-esque cheekiness that he has become so adept at throwing out at just the right time--sending JK and me into laughter at exactly the wrong time. Buddy is really smart--a lot like I was--and he has really strong opinions--a lot like both his dad and me--so, why should I expect anything different? I am just going to have to stop laughing--I know his teachers (and the in-laws) are not going to think his backtalk is very funny!

Black and White, with a little Red every now and then!

2005-06-09T21:16:00.000Z

I love black pants! And, I love white tops...and black tops! And, I LOVE flashy, colorful jewelry. So, I am in the final stages of deciding to only buy and wear either black or white articles of clothing, from here on out. A few purposes are served by me doing this. First, I will always have something to go with what's already in my closet. For instance, you can wear any combination of the two colors, any time...except for winter...and then, I can just switch to Winter White. I mean, how easy is that? Though I probably won't ever wear white pants again in my life, I could if I had to.

Secondly, though they are simple, black and white clothes are striking to me. To me, they say, "I don't need anything else. This is basic, and that's all clothes need to be. Basic." I mean, when I walk into Toni & Guy to get my haircut, I am always struck by the dramatic nature of their all-white or all-black ensembles, depending on the season. (BTW, I learned from my hairdresser, that they switch when the time changes. So, during the winter, they wear all black, and summer, all white. Makes perfect sense. Except for the white pants, I may consider doing the same thing.)

And finally, because I love flashy, coloful jewelry, it makes sense to dress simply, and then accessorize, accessorize, accessorize! I mean, why spend all my money on flashy clothes, when I can accomplish the same objective by dressing more simply and adding the flash later. Not only can I buy more jewelry, one outfit can turn into several different outfits, based on the jewelry I choose to wear with it.

It is like a weight has been lifted from me forever. By deciding that from now on, I only wear black and white, I imagine that shopping becomes so much easier now. Hurry up with the clothes (which are no fun to try on anymore anyway), and invest myself in the pursuit of great accessories!

There is one exception though...I will always own and wear jeans. But those don't count really!

On the road again...and not getting off.

2005-06-06T15:41:00.000Z

Driving back home after a LONG weekend with the family, I noticed a trucker in the parking lot at Whataburger. While we were waiting for our food in the drive through, I told JK that I bet truckers just peed in a jar or something while they drive on long trips. He assured me "No way." Way.

A song...

2005-06-05T04:58:00.000Z

...for Mark...Stay Safe.

Devils & Dust

I got my finger on the trigger
But I don't know who to trust
When I look into your eyes
There's just devils and dust
We're a long, long way from home, Bobbie
Home's a long, long way from us
I feel a dirty wind blowing
Devils and dust

I got God on my side
I'm just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a powerful thing
It can turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
And fill it with devils and dust

Well I dreamed of you last night
In a field of blood and stone
The blood began to dry
The smell began to rise
Well I dreamed of you last night
In a field of mud and bone
Your blood began to dry
The smell began to rise

We've got God on our side
We're just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a powerful thing
It'll turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust

Now every woman and every man
They want to take a righteous stand
Find the love that God wills
And the faith that He commands
I've got my finger on the trigger
And tonight faith just ain't enough
When I look inside my heart
There's just devils and dust

Well I've got God on my side
And I'm just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a dangerous thing
It can turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust

It'll take your God filled soul

Fill it with devils and dust.

--Bruce Springsteen, "Devils & Dust" 2005

*********************

...for Amanda...Stay Strong.

Come Home Soon

I put away the groceries
And I take my daily bread
I dream of your arms around me
As I tuck the kids in bed

I don't know what you're doing
And I don't know where you are
But I look up at that great big sky
And I hope you're wishin' on that same bright star.

I wonder, I pray

And I sleep alone
I cry alone
And it's so hard livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon.

I know that we're together
Even though we're far apart
And I wear our lucky penny 'round my neck
Pressed to my heart

I wonder, I pray

I still imagine your touch
It's beautiful missing something that much
But sometimes love needs a fighting chance
So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance.

I walk alone
I try alone
And I'll wait for you, don't wanna die alone
So please, come home soon.

Come home soon
Come home soon.

--SheDaisy, "Sweet Right Here," 2004

Good as New

2005-06-04T02:20:00.000Z

There now. All back where everything belongs. Forgive me, babe. I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you!

"I heard it on the radio..."

2005-06-03T06:59:00.000Z

After 10 a.m. when my favorite morning radio talk show ends, I become a compulsive radio station flipper. Tonight as I drove home from hosting an event for work, I heard a song on the radio that made me feel nostalgic, in a couple of ways. Though I hate to admit it, I was more or less listening to a local evening request/dedication show for people who want to express their love on the air. And, though I rarely listen to this show, I get sucked in whenever I notice it is on. I am not sure why exactly, but I think it has something to do with the host's voice--it is mesmerizing and annoying. Whenever I hear her voice, I can't stop listening to just her voice, her ennuciation, her slow speech patterns. (I rarely notice what she is even saying.) I always think to myself how hard it must be for her to continue speaking the way she does for all the hours she is on the radio. Anyway...I digress.

So, the experience was nostalgic for two reasons. One, because when I was in the fourth grade, I got my first radio in my room as a Christmas gift. I used to sit in my room beginning at about 8:00 and listen to the dedications played on the radio. From night to night, they were mostly the same. One from a girl to a guy she liked. Another to a group of girlfriends from another "best friend forever." And then, when I got into the seventh grade and had a boyfriend of my own, I use to want to call in dedications myself. Sometimes I would chicken out. But, on occasion, I called in a dedication or two, pleased as pie to hear our names played on the radio, regardless if we were grouped with ten other couples requesting the same song. So, although he was very serious (and I am sure his situation is very serious), it struck me funny tonight to hear a grown, married man call in a dedication to his wife, who he is currently separated from, to tell her how much he misses her and how much he loves her. I just envisioned a lonely young wife, sitting next to her purple alarm clock radio, waiting to hear if a song would be played for her tonight...because surely if it was, then she was still loved.

And, secondly...I was entertained when I heard another song--"Dreaming of You" by Selena. Now, I did not know of Selena before she was murdered. I only know J-Lo's version of her from the movie. But, over the weekend, a conversation took place about movies that get played repeatedly on cable television, and how, for whatever reason, we all seem to have a movie that we will watch over and over on TV, just because it is on. Perhaps, it does not align with the genre of movies we typically watch. But, something about these movies sucks us into the couch and doesn't let us up until we have watched it for the 87th time. "Selena" is that movie for me and I didn't realize it until I heard that song tonight. I mean, there are others that have somewhat the same effect on me, but none quite as powerful. Its not as if I don't know what is going to happen in the end. I guess I just like to hear Edward James Olmos (isn't that his name?) grunt "Selena" in that special way of his.

So, although I am a bit embarrassed to have listened to Delila wax eloquent about love and life, I am both pleased to have heard a song I really like and rarely hear, and also perplexed about why people assume that those they love are sitting by the radio, listening for their name. Just give them a call...they'll be more likely to get the message!

Buddy's 2nd Birthday

2005-06-02T03:53:00.000Z

So, here I go. I enter the world of blogging. It's funny...I have known about blogs for only a short while--a couple of months maybe. The very first blog I read made me immediately want to begin one of my own. And, it didn't take long for me to figure out how to do it. But, for some reason, I have procrastinated starting...as if I were back in school and this were an assignment. I am not sure why. Like I often did in school, I have contemplated long and hard about what I might write or what I might title my blog. Not that it matters really. I mean, its not as if I should be writing this for others to read. Its for me. Its for relaxation. Its for fun. But, I know the truth...I read other people's blogs. I read them quite often actually. And, whether I intend to or not, I judge them. I decide within a short amount of time if another person's blog is something I want to invest my time in. If it bores me, or if it is poorly written, I don't give it much thought. And, I guess if the truth be known, I don't want to be considered boring. I want to write well, and provoke thought. I want other people to think, "Oh yeah, I have had that same thing happen to me!" or "I wish I'd thought of that." I guess I seek approval in most things I do, and my blog will probably be no different. It's not a good thing, really. I need to learn to get past these notions of wanting to inspire others or make people laugh. But, at the same time, or perhaps more importantly, I want to come back to this account later and be interested in what I had to say on June 1, 2005. I want to be able to recall the events of Buddy's 2nd birthday more clearly...especially the really fun parts like singing "Happy Birthday" to him this morning before he even got out of bed and watching him just lie there and smile back at me, both of us feeling like the world was stopped for that moment and we were the only ones here. I may have (and hope I do) many more moments as special as today, but I don't want to forget today's!